


My First Two Loves (the gay version)

by dats__gayyy



Category: Choices: My Two First Loves, My Two First Loves, PlayChoices
Genre: Awkwardness, F/F, the gay fix-it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dats__gayyy/pseuds/dats__gayyy
Summary: Summer break in a Wyoming cabin was good for one thing: Emma Price has decided she's coming out this year.
Relationships: MC/Ava Lawrence, MC/Noah Harris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

Emma’s stomach twists as she checks her phone for the 200th time.

11:52. No new notifications besides her best friend’s last text- a short and simple _omw_.

Emma eyes the window, fingers picking at a loose thread on her comforter.

He’ll be here soon. And then- then-

_Tonight_. Emma takes a deep, shuddering breath. _I’m_ _telling him tonight._

A knock at the window rattles her calm. Emma springs to her feet, light-footedly treading over to the window and pushing it open.

“You made it after all,” she says, grinning despite her nerves. She steps back, hopping up to sit cross-legged on her bed.

Mason chuckles, pulling himself through the window effortlessly. His lips quirk into a little smile, and it’s like no time has passed at at, like the summer was a fever dream, like they’re right back to where they were side by side with nothing in between them.

Except, well. The Secret.

Emma’s heart races in her chest.

“Welcome home,” Mason replies, but it’s like he’s speaking from underwater. He says something else, but-

_I should just say it. Now._ Emma opens her mouth, but closes it so quickly her teeth click together. _Okay, okay. Where to start._

Silence settles in the room. In her haze, she can’t tell if it’s awkward.

“So, um. How’s your dad?”

Mason smiles, a real smile, and says something about the game Airforce lost to Berkeley. It’s so charmingly mundane and so Mr Jennings that Emma has to laugh, the knot of tension in her chest loosening just a little.

Mason, being the good friend he is, asks about her summer in Wyoming. Emma blushes. It had been…rough, not only in the whole there’s no WiFi and cell signal is spotty and annoying little sister ways. But also all that quiet time, all that self reflection and self realization.

To have it in the wilderness away from her home and her friends? All that time for doubt to claw its way into her mind?

Emma grimaces.

“I’m surprised you didn’t kill your sister… wait, you didn’t, right?” Mason widens his eyes comically.

“No, but there were close calls. I- I went on a lot of much needed calming walks when cabin fever set in. And I read books. Like actual, physical books. The ones we didn’t use as firewood, anyway.”

Mason laughs, sitting down on Emma’s bed next to her. “Speaking of calls… there were so many times I tried to call, you know. I couldn’t get through.” His smile is thin now, sad.

Emma sighs. “I know. It killed me not talking to you, or trying to talk only for my phone to cut in and out or drop the call.”

“I missed you,” Mason says simply, and the lightly plaintive note in his voice makes Emma’s chest ache. “Without you here it was like I was missing part of my own voice. Like..like the Echo.” He gives her a playful nudge with his elbow.

The Echo. Emma smiles, remembering when they were little and finished each other’s sentences. That was when her mother had been alive, and she’d called Mason Emma’s echo.

“There’s so much that happened this summer, so much to tell you. And one thing I’ve been dying to share.”

“Same.” Now Emma’s an echo. Somehow, she thinks her thing will be a liiiittle different from his.

Mason’s eyes twinkle. “Well then, spill.”

Emma swallows, then starts all at once. “I think I’m-”

There’s footsteps on the stairs.

Her friend’s mouth falls open. “Your dad!” He whispers, paling.

Ugh. Damn it damn it damn it.

“Go!”

They both move at the same time, tangling into each other.

“Sorry, sorry!” Mason shakes his head, cheeks a shade darker than they'd been before, heading for the open window. He hurriedly climbs out, balancing on the tree limb like it’s his regular method for transportation. “So…tomorrow?”

Emma nods, meeting his eyes and not liking the secrets between them. “Tomorrow.”

Mason grins, and she jumps back into bed as her dad walks down the hall, calling to her.

…Tomorrow she’s coming out to her best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma couldn’t sleep, thoughts racing, completing their track then passing the baton to imaginations and worries and - and - and -

Her dad calls her down to breakfast an agonizing eternity later. Emma rolls out of bed, combing her fingers through her hair and sloooowly changing into the outfit she’d laid out yesterday.

Stylistically ripped skinny jeans and a crop top to show off the almost abs she’d gotten over a long summer of little to do but run and while away the time. And thrown over the top a plaid flannel, because, well. It’s as close to rainbow as she’s comfortable with. 

...She’s got a long way to go.

Mackenzie’s eyes widen as Emma comes down the stairs. “Damn, sis. Didn’t think you had it in you.” Her grin makes Emma stand taller, tentative pride unfurling in her chest. It means something, since she’s the avant garde one of the two of them, pushing boundaries. Today’s no different - her sister wears a nearly skin-tight turtleneck.

Her dad is less than thrilled, however. “You have got to be kidding me.” He pushes his glasses up so he can pinch the bridge of his nose. “Go change. Now.”

“But Dad… it’s the first day of school…” Her shoulders slump.

“It’s a big day, I know. Obviously you let your excitement cloud your normal judgement. Now, go.”

He’s unrelenting. Whatever hope Emma has had, she can feel it being squeezed by his iron fist.

Noticing her hesitance, his brows furrow. “Do you have something to add?”

It’s useless. It always has been. An entire summer uprooted from her friends, her life, despite her and Mack’s protests just proves it.

She sighs. “Yes, sir,” she replies before trudging back up to her room.

She looks at herself in her full length mirror. The outfit looks  _ good,  _ dammit. Unlike her usual father-approved, sexless clothes.

Something that just maybe a certain someone would notice.

Emma feels a hot flush creep up her neck at the thought of her best friend. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she mutters darkly, changing into a t-shirt and formless jeans. “She’s straight, anyway, what’s the point?”

A throat clears behind her. Emma’s heart stalls, then reverberates in her chest like some unholy hammer of god.

Mackenzie stares at her, something indecipherable in her eyes before her expression smoothes. 

“Mack! A- a little warning, next time!” That flush? Now full-on taking over her face.

Her sister raises her hands in surrender. “Sorry, dude, just… wanted to come check on you.” She frowns. “That was kinda painful to watch down there.”

Emma screws her eyes shut and exhales a sharp breath. “Yeah, well. That’s Dad for you. I just...” she trails off, frustrated.

Mackenzie wanders over to her bed, gently picking up the top she’d discarded.

“I’d cover for you, if you’d rather not look like you’re heading to a library bake sale in those mom jeans?” She offers, laying the top back down and crossing her arms as she turns back around.

“You - really?”

Mackenzie smirks. “Sure. I’m eager to see where this rebellious streak goes, as the lonely little family black sheep. Let’s go early and you can change in the locker room, he won’t hear a peep from me.”

They head back down. Her dad looks up and gives Emma an approving nod.

“Much better.” 

Her sister elbows her in the side, and Emma just barely manages to conjure up a crestfallen pout.

Milk and cereal - the healthy fiber-and-no-other-taste flakes her dad insists on - are already on the kitchen table. Emma opts for fruit instead, grabbing a red delicious out of the bowl on the granite countertop and taking a bite. 

Her dad’s pager goes off, nearly startling her into dropping the apple. He scrambles for it, reading it quickly, mouth falling open.

“Emergency appendectomy. They need me there ASAP.” He looks up, brown eyes pleading. “Emma, can you-”

Emma smiles placatingly. “Don’t worry, Mack and I already have rides, I figured - ”

Her dad is already moving, keys jingling in his grip, expression miles away. He doesn’t even say anything as he jogs out the door.

“Yeesh.” Mackenzie rolls her eyes. “But hey, at least I won’t have to cover for you anymore if you still want to walk on the wild side.”

Despite herself, Emma’s mouth quirks up, and she practically skips up the stairs to change.

Mackenzie’s settled in the living room waiting, her boot-clad feet propped on the coffee table, by the time Emma comes back. Her sister lets out a low wolf whistle.

“Damn.” She looks amused more than anything. “Someone you’re trying to impress?”

Emma trips over her own feet, a hand darting out with a vice grip on the couch to steady herself. “Uh...what? No! W-who would I want to impress?”

Mackenzie raises a brow, smirk drooping a bit. “You tell me.”

“Mack…” Emma  _ can’t.  _ The words won’t come. 

A horn blares, a familiar beep beep beeeeep!

Mackenzie shrugs. “Sounds like your BFF is here.”

Emma gulps.

Mackenzie’s gaze softens, and she steps up, gently steering Emma towards the door. “Go on, sis. You look great. Knock ‘em dead, or whatever.”

Emma swivels around and gives her a quick, crushing hug. “Thanks,” she mumbles into dark-and-aqua ombre hair.

Outside, she spots her best friend waiting in her car, singing along to the some top hit pop song Emma missed over the summer. She’s so  _ carefree, _ head bopping and hands drumming the steering wheel. When she notices Emma, she pretends to serenade her, holding an imaginary mic in one hand and pointing with the other. Emma melts.

Because this is Ava Lawrence, her best friend and the girl she’s in love with.

They’d met in freshman year in cheer tryouts, and Ava had had her back ever since - no matter the ups and downs and all the drama. 

...Except Emma’s crush. That Emma was keeping very very close to the chest. Which means she’s got to tamp down on the butterflies in her stomach, stat.

Ava shoots her a grin that could outshine the sun itself as Emma slides into the passenger seat. “First off, great to see you.” Her brown eyes glance her up and down, lingering on her stomach. “Second, are you trying to seduce me or something? That crop top. Is. Hot!”

Emma blushes and she swears she can feel her mind powering down. “I’m...attempting something new this year. I guess all that self-reflection over the summer was good for something.”

Ava presses her hands together, looking up dramatically. “Thank you, Montana.”

Emma has to look out the window as they peel out of the driveway. She’s sure her lovesick expression would give her away.

Ava fills her in on gossip as they drive. Cheer squad rivalries, who’s dating who, crazy summer parties. Emma listens with half an ear, nerves building the closer to school they get.

“There is one other, minor thing. Just an itsy-bitsy bit of personal news…” Ava teases as they pull into the school parking lot, miraculously snagging a spot right near the front. 

Emma’s pulse quickens, dread pooling like molasses in her veins.

Ava kills the engine, eyes sparkling as she jumps out of the car and into the arms of --

Mason.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says softly. She leans close, arms snaking around his waist underneath his letterman jacket. And then - and then -

They’re kissing each other.

Emma feels sick. Her stomach churns as she shuts the car door behind her, hugging her arms close to her chest. “Y-you’re… you’re dating? Each other?”

She winces at how stupid it sounds, words hanging in the air as she’s greeted by two saccharine smiles.

Her best friend and the love of her life were dating each other.

And Emma was caught in the middle.


	3. Chapter 3

Is she gaping? Emma has to be gaping.

“Ava… y-you and… Mason? Are…”

Ava grins rakishly, rubbing a hand along Mason’s back. “Madly in love? Or, well, lust - we haven’t gotten to that other L-word yet.”

Nails. Nails are being driven into her heart.

For his part, Mason looks taken aback by her reaction. “I meant to tell you last night, Emma.”

“You could’ve texted!” A lump is rising in her throat.

Mason scratches the back of his head. “I wanted to tell you in person. I tried to call, but when the line kept dropping, I thought…this is better?”

No. No it is not. It is one  _ million  _ times worse.

“Yeah, you’re right!” Emma forces the words to come out chipper, forces a placid smile. “I… I’m speechless. Congrats, you two.”

Congrats on secretly shattering her heart. But hey, what’s another secret to the now-sure-to-grow pile?

Mason’s shoulders relax, the tension falling from his face as he turns to Ava. “I almost forgot, babe! I got a little something for you.” He reaches over on the hood of Ava’s car where he put a cute little thermos.

Ava tentatively takes it from him, eyes wide in surprise. “Caramel macchiato?”

Mason gives her a shy, crooked smile. “With two shakes of cinnamon.”

Ava’s favorite.

The girl slings her other arm around his neck and rests her head against his cheek. “You remembered! Best boyfriend ever!”

Emma...is going to combust from agony.

“You guys are just so...perfect together,” she grits out, hoping it sounds passably pleasant.

Ava’s eyes find hers, softening just a bit.

Mason lets out a breathy laugh that seems more like a sigh of relief. “See, Ava, I told you she’d be happy for us!”

Ava blinks, breaking her gaze away. “I knew she would be. She is my bestie, after all.” There’s something off about her tone. If she hadn’t told Emma in the car that they were still solid despite Lauren dying to usurp her place, Emma would worry that maybe they weren’t best friends anymore.

Hell, maybe she’s still a little worried. And now for more than the Lauren reason.

“I should leave you alone for some...couple time. Catch you later!” Cue an ungraceful escape.

Mason jogs to catch up. “There’s so many times I tried to call. To tell you.” His voice turns plaintive. “Emma, I just want to double check. Are you okay with this?”

_ No! I am unequivocally not okay with this!  _ God, how badly Emma wants to shout that at the top of her lungs. If she said it, Mason is exactly the kind of guy who would follow through and break up. He’s good. And that’s the problem.

“Mason. I’m happy for you. And for Ava.” 

“...Yeah? Because your happiness means a lot to me.” 

And now she has to sell it. “Yeah. I’m stoked. You’re so cute together. I should’ve played matchmaker years ago.” That...might have been overkill. “I just have some things to take care of right now. Talk later, okay?”

Mason nods. It worked. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Emma power-walks away, tears pricking at her eyes as she let her feet take her anywhere else. 

After a short time, she rounds a corner, realizing too late that she’s behind the gym near the back parking lot she usually avoided.

And she wasn’t alone.

“Hey there, princess. What brings you to my place of business?” The boy is smarmy, leaning against the brick wall, hair gelled so thickly it wouldn’t move even in a tornado.

Emma stills, confused. “Your...uh, what?”

He frowns, pushing off the wall and wandering closer. “My store. My shop. My livelihood. What you buying?”

Oh. Shit. “I’m not - I’m just trying to get away from some people - ”

The boy comes to a stop too close. “Save it. A sob story won’t get a discount.” He looked her up and down, calculating. Though he definitely didn’t look like someone who was good at math. “Adderall. Has to be. A study buddy. Everyone needs one, right?”

He yanks a plastic bag out of his pocket.

“Oh, no thanks. I appreciate it, but I am not interested.”

His jaw works, clenching and unclenching. “The offer isn’t optional anymore. You saw what I’m selling. You’re part of this.” He takes one more step, his Axe body spray stinging the inside of Emma’s nose. “Now open up that bag and find me two hundred bucks.”

Several thoughts race through Emma’s head. The first, unhelpfully, is  _ two HUNDRED dollars for one bottle of pills?  _ Shortly followed by  _ If I run, will he grab me?  _

Sensing the direction of her thoughts, the boy huffs. “I don’t like having to hurt people, really.” But he would, hung unspoken in the air.

“Leave her alone, Darren.” The voice is unfamiliar, low, with a rasp to it.

Emma whirls around to the girl stalking toward them. She’s...dangerous looking, leather jacket slung around her broad shoulders, green eyes boring unwaveringly into the aggressive pill-pusher.

The boy - Darren - backs up quickly. “N-Noelle? I didn’t know you were back in town. I’m just trying to run a business, okay?”

Noelle doesn’t speak, just wrenches the bag out of Darren’s hands and flings it onto the roof.

“You bitch!” Darren hesitates, glaring, then turns tail and runs.

The other girl watches him go, the ghost of a smirk on her lips. Up close, she’s taller than Emma, but only just.

It’s like the bubble of nervous energy inside her just bursts, and Emma blurts out, “W-wow, that was...kind of amazing -uh, amazingly stupid!”

Noelle hums, glancing at her. Emma doesn’t miss the way her eyes drift down to her stomach and back. “You gotta fight like with like.”

Emma laughs, a tittering little sound that she hates. She bites her lip, hard. “You’re lucky it didn’t come to a fight.”

The other girl shrugs, unbothered. “I like my chances better than yours.”

Okay...fair.

Noelle sighs, swiping a hand through her bangs to push them out of her chiseled face. “You should get out of here. I can’t spend all day playing guardian angel.”

“Oh.” The comment rubs her the wrong way, but Emma brushes it off. After all, she did call the girl’s heroics stupid. Maybe...maybe there’s a way to make it up to her? “Unless…you’re new, right? Maybe I can repay the favor and show you around?”

Noelle raises a brow. “How do you know I’m new?”

Not an outright rejection, Emma can work with that. She smiles. “I happen to know pretty much everyone here.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“So you’ve been invisible the past four years? I would definitely have remembered you.” The last part comes out without her even thinking it.

Green eyes drop to the ground, expression shuttering off. “I’ve...been away.”

“Like on a trip?”

“Not exactly.” 

Emma pauses. She honestly can’t tell what the other girl is thinking. “You...don’t seem to like answering questions.”

Noelle’s lips twist into a humorless smile. “I’m told it’s one of my best character traits.”

Emma’s heart pangs. That’s messed up. “I’m not sure who told you that. It’s...sad. It keeps people away.”

“Sometimes it’s better that way.” Her voice is flat, either matter-of-fact or defeated. Who’s to tell?

“Not always,” Emma shoots back, challenging.

Noelle studies her curiously, weighing her words. She runs her tongue over her lips, then clicks it against her teeth, coming to a decision. “Fine. So, hypothetically, let’s say I take you up on this offer. What are you gonna do? Draw me a map or something?”

Emma snorts. She’s dismal at drawing. “I’d give you a tour. The campus has changed a lot the last few years, and I know all the best new spots. Besides, I’m not letting you get away that easy.” 

She means it as a joke, but - she means it as something else, too.

Noelle’s back straightens, and there’s a renewed interest in her gaze. She gives her an easy grin. “I like the sound of that. Alright, I’m in.”

Something in Emma’s chest swoops. She can’t help but beam. “Welcome to Eastridge High tour extraordinaire.”

She takes the other girl around the school, pointing out landmarks important and trivial. Noelle opens up, not by much, but enough that Emma gets a glimpse of who she is underneath all the stoic backtalk. Intuitive, dry humor in spades, and…

And maybe...very, very attractive.

Emma’s only ever really had a crush on Ava, so she’s not totally sure what her type is, but damn. Apparently badasses check a lot of her boxes.

They wind up at the greenhouse, bequeathed by wealthy alum’s generous donation. It’s dubbed the Garden of Truth, the legend going that questions asked near the fountain in the center must be answered truthfully, with a magical limit of one a day.

Noelle chuckles, like legitimately chuckles. “You have to be making that up. Right?”

Emma tuts, kneeling to dip her fingers in the fountain’s water. “One question only, so choose wisely.”

Noelle looks up at all the hanging plants, the vines climbing towards the ceiling. “You first.”

_ Are you into girls? _

“Have you ever been in love?” Close enough, right?

Noelle stiffens. “No,” she says, sharply, then reconsiders. “Maybe. I had feelings for someone I- someone I shouldn’t have.”

No pronouns. No closer to an answer for that, then. There’s silence for a moment, Emma tracing patterns on the water’s surface.

“You looked upset when you showed up at the parking lot today. Why?”

Emma jumps, drenching her sleeve. She stands. “I wasn’t - ”

Noelle sends her a look. “We’re in the Garden of Truth, remember? Be honest.”

Emma takes a deep breath. It might be nice to tell someone, someone with no stake in the fight. “I found out the girl I like is dating my best friend.” She wraps her arms around herself, holding Noelle’s gaze. “N-no one knows that I’m… Don’t tell anyone.” Her voice actually quivers.

Noelle reaches out and puts a hand on Emma’s arm. “I won’t. I’m good at keeping secrets.” She takes her hand back, and Emma immediately misses its warmth. “This girl… Does she know how you feel?”

Emma’s vision clouds with tears. “No.”

Noelle tilts her head, eyes crinkling in sympathy. “Figures. It’s hard to imagine someone turning you down.”

It isn’t hard for Emma - that seems to be all she has been able to imagine. The way Ava’s mouth would hang open, the way she would back away, turn her down. How it would get out, first to the cheer squad and then to the whole school. There’d be whispers, cruel jokes, pity. Everything would change.

They walk back out. Emma spots a few cheerleaders lounging around a picknick table in the courtyard. They wave her over.

Noelle slows, shoving her hands in her light-wash jeans pockets. “Looks like that’s the end of the tour. Bye for now, Cheer Squad.” She walks off before Emma can reply.

“...Bye?”

Her steps felt lighter as she joined the group. Like Noelle had lifted the weight since the Ava-Mason bombshell went off this morning. A distraction, if only for a few minutes.

Ava’s watching her with a somewhat shell-shocked expression. “Emma, I can’t  _ believe  _ you were talking to Noelle Harris!”

To her right, Lauren looks delighted. She twirls a lock of black hair in her manicured fingers, eyes sharp. “Don’t you know who she is?”

Emma searches the team’s faces for a hint, but she can’t find one. “What, is she famous or something?” It’s meant to be sarcastic, but she’s so confused it comes of as genuine.

Toni clears a spot for her, patting the bench. “You’d better sit down. You need to hear the truth about her!”

Taking trepidatious steps, Emma has the sinking feeling she’s gotten herself further into a mess.


	4. Chapter 4

There’s a near-electric quiet as Emma sits down with the squad.

Ava’s teeth worry her bottom lip before she starts. “There’s a lot about Noelle you don’t know.” At Emma’s stare in askance, she sighs. “She’s… What’s the best way to put this?”

Lauren jumps in with a vicious smile. “Trash.”

Ava runs a hand through her hair, looking downcast. “I was going to say complicated. She’s been in juvie since freshman year. Ever since…” Emma hangs on her words, but the cheer captain shakes her head. “Well, no one really knows what happened.”

Toni’s brows shoot up. “But they say she was robbing Mason’s house.”

Emma’s heart plummets. That....can’t be right, can it? She thinks back on their interaction. The other girl  _ had  _ had a sort of brazen fearlessness, and the way she’d gotten in Darren’s face -- but burglary? “That’s ridiculous.” 

Probably.

Lauren rolls her eyes, leaning forward on her elbows to loom over her. “Don’t be so naive. From what  _ I’ve  _ heard, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

That opens a flurry of rumors.

“I heard she got shot.”

“I heard she got sent to solitary for ripping some girl’s nose ring out of her face and then won a fight against four guards with a toilet seat.” Everyone stares at Iris as she rushes on, barely taking a breath. “And then she, like, stole this piece of metal from the machine shop and used it to carve an escape tunnel hidden behind a poster - ”

The squad exchanges incredulous glances. 

“It’s...possible that’s just a rumor!” Iris finishes lamely.

Emma can’t quite square it all. “I- I haven’t heard any of this stuff!”

Ava puts a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes are unreadable. “You alright, Emma? She didn’t threaten you or anything?”

Emma can’t help it; she leans into the touch. Ava circles her thumb in soothing little patterns, and Emma feels safe, protected.

Except - Ava has a boyfriend, and Emma’s chasing after feelings that’ll only end in heartache. So she pulls back.

“No. No, she was actually kind of sweet?” But what did that  _ mean?  _

Iris launches off in another rambling, tangential story that Lauren scolds her for. And it seems like just a warm-up - she then lashes out at Emma, sinking her claws into a particularly sore spot.

“Isn’t it a little weird you don’t know anything about Noelle? Space-case much?”

Emma winces. Freshman year...had been rough. Her mom had had a negative reaction to the anesthesia for her surgery. 

God, she still vividly recalls the chill that had engulfed her when she’d read her father’s texts, the way his voice shook when he answered her call. The rest of that day is a blur, the weeks and months after not much better. 

“That was..” But the words lodge in her throat. 

Lauren huffs. “I heard you were basically a zombie freshman year. Guess it’s true, huh?”

“Lay off, Lauren,” Ava all but growls, glaring. She sends Emma a sympathetic look. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, so do yourself a favor and just. Don’t.”

Lauren recoils like she’s been slapped. Her nostrils flare, and she stands up abruptly. “Whatever. I need to get to class, anyway.”

The cheer squad takes that as their cue to break apart. Ava pulls Emma in for a side-hug. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks for having my back.” Emma lays her head on the taller girl’s shoulder. “What’s her problem?”

Ava presses her cheek against the side of her head, reaching up to play with a stand of Emma’s hair. “Since you were gone we hung out a lot this summer. She’s actually a super talented cheerleader, but she has a lot of...personal growth to do.”

Toni looks up from where she’d been texting. “She’s gunning for your spot, girl. Both as vice-captain and as Ava’s best friend.”

Yeah, well. Tough luck. She’s not about to give up either without a fight. 

“Now I’m back. And those jobs are taken.”

Emma can feel Ava’s grin. “Exactly.”

* * *

  
  


School was a whirlwind of catching up with people she hadn’t seen in months, offering up chagrined smiles to the few teachers that took themselves seriously enough to launch right into material on day one. By the time the final bell had rung and she was changed into her cheer uniform ambling onto the track around the football field, Emma was buzzing.

Riiiight up until she sees Ava and Mason standing together.

“Mm, I do love a man in uniform,” Ava teases as Emma walks up, trailing her fingers along Mason’s biceps.

The boy flexes a bit, a twinge of eagerness in his eyes that borders on ‘lovesick puppy.’ “In that case, I  _ really  _ hope I make it into the Air Force Academy.”

Emma knows she should look away, but she doesn’t, even as they lean in. The kiss is long, lingering…

Painful. But at least Mason seems happy. Until --

“Hey.” They part, and there’s Noelle, face impassive as her green eyes slide from person to person. They pause on Emma, before going back to Mason. “Mind moving? Need the track.”

She almost looks out of place without her leather jacket, clad in wondrously skin-tight leggings and a tank with the high school mascot on it. 

Emma’s pretty sure both her and Mason’s eyes boggle, and even Ava gives her a glance over. 

“What are you doing here?!” A switch flips in the footballer’s demeanor, and he squares his shoulders, scowling.

Noelle smiles coolly. “Track,” she drawls, lifting a brow at the end. “Figured someone needed to give these girls a show.”

Now that Emma’s slowly coming back to herself, she realizes there’s other track members loitering on the edge of the field. 

Lauren calls out from where she’s seated on the ground, stretching. “Well then, show us what you’ve got, hotshot.” She hops up, smirking over at Emma challengingly.

Wait -- was that… was she  _ flirting  _ with Noelle? Did she suspect --

Emma schools her features. She’s not going to give Lauren the satisfaction, and she’s certainly not going to let the brat be the first one to find out she’s into girls.

She feels a light pressure on her elbow and looks around to find Ava, a conflicted expression on her face. “Emma…” She shakes her head, whatever she was going to say dying on her lips. “Nevermind. Let’s move.”

They settle a little past the 50-yard line, going through warm-ups but it’s clear the group’s attention is elsewhere. After a girl literally trips over herself when a runner pulls his shirt off on his loop around, Ava claps her hands, brows furrowed in frustration.

“Alright! Since it’s clear we’re a little  _ distracted -  _ ” she eyes the worst offenders, “let’s flip the script and put on a show of our own, shall we?” Her full lips quirk up in a grin, and she winks at Emma. “We could go all out and do the ‘Down and Dirty’ routine from sophomore year.”

Breath, Emma. And  **don’t** think.

“That- that almost got us expelled. Principal Jennings called it NC-17.”

For a very, very good reason.

Ava’s grin turns downright wicked. “Exactly. What do you say?”

It’s playing with fire.

“I…” Well, this year is already shaping up to be hell, so if she’s going to be burned anyway, might as well have some fun, right? “Let’s do it.”

The squad erupts into hoots and cheers. Toni offers to go cue up the song, ‘Forbidden Pleasures’ by Haley Rose, on the PA system, and as she jogs off Lauren frowns skeptically. She pushes back weakly, but relents when Ava tells her she can sit it out if she’d prefer. She grumbles about how Mason would react, but the cheer captain waves her off.

“I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. And, if he gets a little jealous, too, maybe that’s a bonus.”

Ugh. Because of course it had to come back to the boyfriend or what a boy might think. It’s just so… pukingly heteronormative. For the first time she can remember, Emma feels so lonely on the team. What would happen when - if - she came out? 

The PA system blares out the opening riff throughout the stadium. Everyone at school knew those chords, and the routine that went with it. Within seconds, both the football and track practice grinds to a halt. All eyes were on the squad.

Mason’s mouth hangs open. “No way. They wouldn’t.”

Meanwhile, Noelle exasperatedly waves a stopwatch. “Why is everyone stopping?”

Chad, a lanky football player who’s wandered over to the sidelines for a better view, laughs. “Watch and learn.”

Ava looks so in her element. She surveys them all with her hands on her hips, posture loose and light. “Let’s have some fun.”

Emma lets the music flow through her. As she sways, some of the tension she’d been carrying begins to ebb. Jump, pom poms, jut the hip, and a high kick because she’s feeling herself.

Noelle’s gaze is riveted on her, and something in her look makes Emma’s head rush. “Damn, she’s…”

“Flexible. If you know what I mean.” Chad is practically drooled. Emma wishes he had stood closer, so she could’ve high kicked him in the face.

Noelle grips the stopwatch so hard her knuckles lose their color. “I think you mean impressive.”

Mason folds his arms over his broad chest, muscle on his forehead twitching. “Trust me, Emma doesn’t need you looking out for her.”

Emma can only barely make out their words, but there’s a thrill to being noticed all the same.

And speaking of notice, Ava is shooting her an approving stare. Is it just Emma, or is she checking her out?

Ava flashes her a smile. “Yeah, Emma, work it! Don’t let up now!”

God, now is not the time to blush.

As the field watched, they hit the next beat of the routine and struck a pose. Still feeling off kilter from Ava’s look, Emma opts for a sweet little twirl ending in a fluttering of her pom poms.

“Damn, she’s so cute. Bro, is she single?” Chad wheels on Mason, bro-punching him on the shoulder.

Irritated, Mason shoves him away. “I doubt she’s interested.”

“You don’t know who she’s interested in,” Noelle counters. The comment on its face is belligerent, but there’s a coy little twist to her lips that makes Emma’s knees weak. 

The rest of the routine gets...interesting. Skirt-lifting, near-flashing, winking. It - was a lot. And that was before they lined up to spank each other.

Emma’s just a tad hot under the collar as they get to the end.

“And now for the best part. Pick your favorite person in the audience and blow them a kiss,” Ava reminds them.

Emma hesitates. She watches as Ava’s gaze lands on Mason, and she puckers up, and - 

And her best friend feels farther away from her than she’d ever been when Emma was in Montana.

Belatedly, she looks up and locks eyes with Noelle. She’s sweaty from running, hair tousled, tank top slipping off her shoulder to reveal a dark sports bra beneath.

She’s beautiful.

The girl grins, bringing a hand up to her lips and blowing Emma an air kiss.

Holy shit. Emma miiiight be having a heart attack.

The song ends, and the squad collapses onto the grass, exhausted.

Ava flops down next to her. “How do you feel now?”

Emma lies back, staring up at the sky. How does she feel? She doesn’t really know, everything’s all jangled up together, wired and electric. “Alive,” she answers simply.

“Alive is good.”

Lauren pipes up. “Even I have to admit that kicked ass.” Her voice shifts into a whine. “But I’m tired. Can we go home now?”

Emma chances a glance at Ava, whose expression grows stormy. “Not even close. Practice is just getting started.”

They spent the next hour running through the usual routine. They had to whip into shape for cheer exhibitions coming up. And despite Lauren’s laziness, she was a natural, breezing through the moves like she’d been born doing them.

Emma almost doesn’t notice when her phone beeps. She fishes it out of her bra (what she’d give for a uniform with pants instead of a skirt).

It’s Mackenzie:  _ Emma!!! SISTER EMERGENCY. I need ur help :( _

Emma’s stomach ties itself in a knot.

What was wrong with Mackenzie?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *cries* this story could be so much better if PB didn't force heteronormativity down our throats

What’s wrong with her sister is that Emma is  _ this close  _ to shaking the living daylights out of her.

“I thought you were in serious trouble!” Her voice is higher pitched than usual, echoing in the entryway of the front of the school. “You said this was an emergency!”

Somehow, ‘I got caught skipping English and have to take pictures of the football team for the school paper but I’d rather go to an event with some art class people I only just met today’ doesn’t cut it. Not considering the bad family news she’s received via text.

Her sister’s posture droops. “But it is one! When have I ever actually had the opportunity to make cool friends?” And then she simpers, her telltale I’m-about-to-try-charming-you dimples emerging. “And I just thought, you know, since you actually like photography, maybe you could do the football shoot for me?”

Emma throws her hands up in exasperation. “Don’t scare me like that. What if you’re in an actual emergency and I assume it’s something silly like this?” Detention, a secret boyfriend breaking her heart, a car accident… all the horrible things this could have been whirl around in Emma’s mind.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I wasn’t asking for a guilt trip.” She perches on the edge of the school fountain, peering up at Emma plaintively. “I know it’s asking a lot to pass this off on you, but I really do want to get to know these people. I...got so out of the loop this summer. I’m trying to find my friend group, you know?”

Emma’s heart cracks a little for her. If things had changed so much for her while she was away, the same must be true for Mack. 

“And I’ll give you Sister Bucks,” she adds, a last ditch attempt to win Emma over.

But the older sister isn’t about to make this easy. “Fifty.”

Mackenzie’s eyes widen. “That’s extortion!”

Emma smiles fondly, sticking out a hand to help her up. “Take it or leave it.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” Mackenzie takes her hand, and once she’s standing again, digs into her backpack. She hands over a camera.

It’s  _ nice.  _ A DSLR, fitted with a high-speed 200mm lens. Emma takes it greedily, popping off the lens protector and switching it on, testing out the scope.

Oh yeah. Nice.

“You owe me.”

Mackenzie jumps up and down in joy. “Thank you thank you thank you! I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

Emma teases about spending her sister bucks on making her clean the bathroom. Mack’s nose crinkles, but she shrugs it off and pulls Emma in for a tight hug. And then she just - bounds off.

Mack might be nothing like her, but how couldn’t you love her?

Emma trudges back to the field. Both the football and track teams are still practicing. There’s clearly tension between the two groups, the football team - the most popular athletic team in the school by far - seeing the runners as interlopers into their domain. And without a track coach, there’s no one to stand as a buffer between them. The football coach certainly doesn’t seem interested in doing so, too busy glowering and yelling at recruits.

Mason jogs by, smiling. Emma gives him a thumbs up - if the grass stains on his pants are anything to go by, he’s been working hard. But then, her friend always has.

On the opposite side, Noelle races by. The girl’s head is down, legs pumping. As she passes two younger kids kneeling by a chalked line, one presses a button on the stopwatch. They check the time and cheer.

“Almost two seconds faster than last year’s record!” the boy exclaims, stars in his eyes.

Noelle nods, face stony, but as she takes a swig from the water bottle offered to her, Emma catches a faint smile.

Before she knows what she’s doing, Emma raises the camera, shutters whirring as she snaps a photo.

As she lowers the camera, Emma notices Mason looking at her, brow furrowed. He sprints forward, right past where she was standing.

The coach hollers, “Keep it up, Mason! Soon you’ll be a stronger QB than your father even was.”

Was Mason jealous? He had to know he was still her rock-solid best friend, even if things were a bit, well, weird.

“Okay, for the next play, we’re going to run through passes and see how you do. Mason, go long.”

Diligently, Mason trots out. He catches pass after pass as hopefuls cycle through.

Until - 

One of the newbies throws too far. Mason tracks it with a determined stare, running… and running…

Right into the track, where runners are jogging past, backs to him. Oblivious.

Mason jumps, catching the ball mid-air and then colliding with Noelle, who’s picked up a burst of speed and put herself between the boy and her teammates. They fall in a tangled heap.

Everyone runs over.

“Jennings, you alright?” The coach asks, breathing hard.

Mason rolls over, sitting up. His brows are drawn, jaw tight. “Fine.” But when he gets up, he winces, shifting his weight off his left ankle.

The man then wheels on Noelle. “Harris! Don’t think I haven’t heard horror stories about you in the teacher’s lounge. And I saw you clip him just now! Leave my star player alone, or we’ll see about your spot on the track team, you hear me?”

Noelle dusts herself off, rolling her shoulders. “Whatever you say.”

What the hell? She hadn’t done anything wrong! It was an accident, through and through.

Next to her, Chad scoffs. “Good riddance. Girl belongs in jail, not on a team.”

Emma’s blood boils. No one was giving Noelle a chance. Maybe no one had given her a chance. Ever.

Noelle storms off. Emma watches her disappear beneath the bleachers before resolving to go after her. 

It takes a bit. The other girl’s strides are long. She’s definitely trying to put distance between herself and the field. But hearing Emma’s footsteps, she turns around.

“No paparazzi.” Emma figures it’s meant to be a joke, even if it’s delivered in a flat monotone.

Emma takes her hands off the camera slung around her neck. “I just wanted to see if you’re okay.”

Noelle snorts and looks away. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Emma tilts her head, frowning. “Honestly? You should be mad right now. The coach was totally unfair. Mason should’ve looked where he was going. But - ” But the coach was biased, and saw things how he wanted to see them, not the way they truly happened. “The coach was practically drooling over him, and when you two hit each other, he took it out only on you.”

Noelle lets out a humorless laugh. “He’s afraid of me. You heard him - he knows the rumors. I’m sure you do, too.” Noelle’s eyes find hers at last, and Emma’s struck by the sheer frustration there.

“I mean…” Emma stumbles, unsure. “I heard you went to juvie. And it sounds like it was serious. But I’m sure it was all blown out of proportion, right?” She hopes.

Noelle’s expression gives nothing away. “Sometimes gossip is accurate.”

Without warning, she pivots to face her, blocking Emma’s path. She lowers her gaze, face in shadow. Emma inhales sharply.

“Might want to keep your distance.”

Emma straightens to stand as tall as she can. “I’m more intrigued now than before.”

Noelle grins. “Careful. You go looking for trouble, you just might find it.” There’s something dangerous there, and a shiver runs down Emma’s spine.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d want people to keep their distance.” 

It’s a sad thought. 

“Maybe I do.” Noelle looks at her long and hard. 

Emma holds her gaze, trying her best to not look intimidated. Part of her was screaming to turn and walk away, but part of her desperately didn’t want to.

Noelle shrugs. “I don’t care if people talk crap behind my back. It means I don’t have to pretend to like them.”

“So you’re saying this is all an act,” Emma challenges.

“I’m saying,” Noelle emphasizes the words. “I don’t care what people think about me.”

Yeah, Emma’s not buying it.

“You know what I think?” She steps forward, poking a finger in the other girl’s chest. “I think you’re hiding behind this tough girl act because you’re scared. You’ve come back to school and you feel like you’re completely out of the loop and no one will let you in. I’m not saying I understand everything you’ve been through, but I do know what it’s like to feel like you’re on the outside looking in.”

And it sucks.

Emma takes a deep breath and continues her tirade. “And when you stuck up for me with Darren, that wasn’t the kind of thing a girl who doesn’t care about anyone would do.”

Noelle’s face remains stiff and expressionless, but something softens in her eyes. She still hasn’t moved, and they’re standing so close…

Emma’s heart thumps erratically in her chest.

Finally, she smiles. Just a half-smile, more of a smirk, but still a smile. “You’re not what I was expecting, Emma.” She sighs, shooting her a sheepish look. “Sorry. It was nice of you to check on me.”

Emma scans her face. She still looks uneasy. “You seem frustrated.”

“That’s what I get for hurting the  _ star  _ football player,” she growls, sneering at the word ‘star,’ a bitter look crossing her face.

There’s some hatchet buried there, but when she asks about it, Noelle denies. 

“What’s to tell? He’s the golden boy who has it all, and I’m not.”

“That’s all?” Yeah right. “I don’t buy it.”

Noelle’s face crumples. It’s the most vulnerable Emma’s seen her. “There’s...a bit more to it. Something that happened freshman year. But it’s a long story.” Noelle glances at her cautiously. “Maybe I’ll tell you sometime.”

Emma beams. “I’d like that.”

Noelle looks at her curiously. “I saw the way you looked at his girlfriend. You couldn’t take your eyes off her.”

Emma gulps, taking a step back. Her mind races for something plausible to say. “I...she’s the captain! And my best friend!”

Noelle lifts a brow. “Hmm. Okay.” Is she not convinced?

“W-what, a... _ girl _ can’t have friends?” She still can’t bring herself to really come out. To just… say it. Not yet.

Noelle’s eyes widen. “No, I… Sorry, that’s not how I meant it.” She looks away.

There’s still something she’s holding back.

“Hey, thanks again for, you know, checking on me.”

Emma relaxes just a smidge, shooting her a smile. “Hey, I’m just glad you dropped the lone wolf act long enough to hear me out.”

Noelle huffs, casting her a look, the corner of her mouth turned up in a smirk. “Don’t change that attitude of yours, Emma. I like it.” With that, she jogs back toward the track.

Emma watches her go with a grin.

She heads back towards the water cooler to get a drink. Mason’s sitting on the bench. He waves as she walks up.

“Hey, superstar,” she greets, handing hip a cup of water and sitting next to him. “Why are you out here?”

He glowers, gaze searching to track where Noelle is sprinting back and forth. “My ankle is twisted. Coach said I should sit out and rest up. He doesn’t want to take any chances.” He shakes the sour mood off. “So what’s with the camera? I didn’t know you were such a superfan.”

Emma laughs. “Mackenzie roped me into taking pictures of the team for the school paper. It’s a long story.”

Mason chuckles, leaning back, humor dancing in his eyes. “Sounds like a classic Mack scheme. So tell me, in your professional opinion, how do you think the team looks?”

Emma’s cheered for enough football games to know the sport fairly well. And she knows it’s too early to tell. “I think someone was showing off and got himself into trouble.”

To her surprise, Mason blushes, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing away. “I mean, maybe? For the camera!”

Emma rolls her eyes good-naturedly. Her friend works hard. He deserves some time to shine, even if he really should watch where he’s going. “I’ll see if I can get you onto the front page, Mr. Limelight.”

Mason stands up. “C’mon, I’ll give you some shots real quick.”

Emma tuts, eyes flitting down to his ankle. “Are you sure - ”

Mason waves the comment away. “I’m sure. What’s a football shoot without the quarterback?”

Emma bites her lip, but follows him out onto the field. He calls out for Chad to come over and bring a ball.

“All right, I’ll take the ball and run, and pretend to tackle Chad. Cool?”

Chad nods, tossing the football. Mason catches it one-handed, hugging it in to his chest.

Emma raises the camera, clicking away as Mason dramatically stares down the other player, clicking as he takes off with a burst of power, clicking as he tries to slow, clicking as he shoulders Chad, clicking as the force knocks a surprised Chad back. 

And then she stops, because both boys are tumbling down. Mason hits the ground first, hard, and he hisses in pain. Chad tries to right himself, but trips and falls over Mason’s legs.

Emma is there beside her friend in a heartbeat, kneeling in the grass. His jaw is tightened, brows screwed in pain. “Emma…”

Was this her fault? Had she pushed or encouraged Mason into pressing his limits? Had the animosity between him and Noelle - which she’d ignored - led him to think he had to - prove himself?

Emma wasn’t sure what this was, but she knew one thing: this was serious.


	6. Chapter 6

Emma tries to keep herself from crying as Mason groans. She hovers over him, his head in her lap, and remembers. Back when they were kids, the day she knew they would be friends forever. When they’d explored too far into the woods, and hiking back Emma had started to complain, exhausted and stomach growling. Mason, ever the gentleman, had spied an apple tree and climbed all the way to the highest branches to get her the best one. Only, the spindly branch beneath him had snapped, and he’d plunged to the ground. Then, just as now, she’d run to his side, holding him as he regained the breath knocked out of him.

And he’d held out the apple, a thin-lipped grin on his face.

Mason reaches for his ankle, grimacing. “Ow…”

“Do we need to get the nurse?” She’s surprised by the steadiness of her voice.

Mason shakes his head, gaze darting around at his teammates starting to gather around. “I’ll be fine...I just need a minute.”

She advises him to take some deep breaths, and he does, jaw going less rigid every time he exhales.

“I’m glad it’s you, Emma,” he says, eyes closed. 

What about Ava?  _ Maybe they’re not as close as they put on,  _ Emma thinks, and then immediately feels guilty. Her best friend is lying hurt in her arms and she’s getting hopeful about her chances with his girlfriend?

Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Mason adds softly, “Just promise you won’t go anywhere?”

“I won’t,” she says, too quick. “I promise.”

Mason sits up, flexing his ankle experimentally. He flinches, and Emma can practically see the shiver run down his spine.

Oh god. What if he’s broken it? There’s a part of Emma that can’t help but feel responsible. Mason had just wanted to help her with her/Mack’s assignment. And had she goaded him into showing off? There was bad blood of some sort between him and Noelle, had talking to her made him...feel like he had something to prove?

“Will you...help me to the bench? I don’t think I can walk like this…” Without even trying, her friend does a spot-on wounded puppy impression.

Emma stands. “I think it might be easier if one of the guys helps,” Emma denies gently. She’s strong - it takes muscles to cheer, after all - but if he were to trip again and she couldn’t hold him up -- she’d never forgive herself for legit breaking his ankle.

Mason deflates a little, watching her carefully. “You’re...yeah, that makes more sense.”

A player comes up to help, placing a bulky arm beneath Mason’s shoulders and hauling him to his foot. They walk gingerly - well, in Mason’s case, hobble - to the bench.

Emma casts a glance around her.

Practice had all but been abandoned for both the football and track team. Players mill about, murmuring in groups. 

And then an angry bellow grabs her attention. “Harris! This is all thanks to your sabotaging my star player earlier! You so much as breathe in his direction, and you’ll never set foot on this track again!” He swivels around, noticing the stares of students. “What are you all standing around for? Someone get the nurse!”

Noelle jogs away, not before her gaze sweeps between Mason and Emma. 

Eventually, someone comes back with the nurse, and Emma moves to the sidelines as she assesses Mason’s condition. There’s nothing she can do but watch. 

Glancing to her right, she sees Noelle slumping in the bleachers, sitting sullenly alone. 

When Emma sits down next to her, the other girl doesn’t even look up. 

“You okay?” Emma asks quietly, leaning forward so her elbows are on her knees, craning to see her expression. 

“Yeah… I didn’t mean to hurt him, I swear.” 

Emma’s pretty sure she believes her. “Accidents happen.”

Noelle sits up straighter, sighing. “I saw you run right for him when he went down.”

“We’ve known each other since we were kids. Looking out for him is like second nature at this point.”

“Wish I had something like that,” Noelle says wistfully, then seems to catch herself and adds more neutrally, “Mason is a lucky guy.”

Emma’s brows jump. “I wouldn’t have guessed you felt that way. What with the whole lone wolf thing you’ve got going.”

“I’m only human,” Noelle shoots back, and Emma doesn’t miss the way her expression shutters off. 

Damn. Why’d she have to go and put her foot in her mouth again? 

“Well, I hope you find someone who looks out for you,” Emma offers. A little naggling hopeful feeling worms into her brain, but she squashes it before she can think too closely about what it means. 

Noelle gets a distant look in her eyes, and she turns back to the field. “Looks like the nurse is done with your friend.”

Emma hesitates before she rises. Her heart hammers nervously. “I hope we can do this again. It’s nice to see you open up.”

Noelle smiles, though it’s clear she’s trying to fight against it. “I don’t do it often. Consider yourself special.”

Emma shoots her what she hopes is her most disarming grin. “Oh, I do.”

Mason is on both feet, tepidly applying pressure to his hurt ankle. He lights up as she approaches. 

“Everything alright?” 

The corners of Mason’s mouth tug up. “Turns out it’s just a little sprain. It should heal in a few days.” He starts to walk to prove his point, but grimaces, stumbling forward. 

Emma catches him, holding him upright. “Okay, Superman, but you still gotta take it easy until then.”

“Ugh. Remind me not to move for a bit.” He closes his eyes, letting out a breath. “Emma…” His eyes open again, finding hers. “Thanks again for being here for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Maybe not get hurt in the first place, Emma worries. 

Mason looks at her, and that’s when she realizes exactly how close they’re standing. And realizes who’s behind them. 

Ava. 

Before Emma could react, the cheer captain is turning on her heel and hurrying away. Emma’s stomach sinks. 

Her secret crush had just seen her getting snug with her boyfriend, and Emma has a feeling there’ll be hell to pay. 

  
  



End file.
